I've had similar experiences in my past and just like you, isolation turned me quite asocial. Also my schedule drifted to its natural cycle and spent a lot of time staying up and was quite productive and enjoyed my own company but the cost was too much to bear. I noticed that I was becoming savage around people in the sense that I didn't know how to connect anymore. Fast forward 10 years and am married, have a child and fit into a normal schedule; am feeling quite healthy mentally, though I feel I don't get enough time just being by myself. If I had the chance to change anything in the past though, I would leave things as they are. I that feel I grew in some respects while being alone/lonely. I did not pray but I did my type of meditation which is painting.
I've been watching a foreign documentary about isolated people, people who live in abandoned villages and have few or no neighbors or people who live in very inaccessible places and every single one of them were talking about god and praying and their painful loneliness.
I personally cannot give up myself for a relationship. Meeting with friends sure, but marriage and kids? I'd rather have a hobby. I know there is the whole mindset that "it's different when they're your kids" however I only see having kids as the purpose of having an heir...which I recognize is absurdly outdated of a view.
For myself though, that is honestly the sole reason I'd want a kid. Financially I'm not in a place where I could honestly bring a kid into this world better off than myself. I like pets, but they take up a large portion of my day. I can't imagine what a kid does.
Honestly, things and views change over time and especially when you approach your late 30's. I never thought about having kids before,but things just fell into place just right and am much happier now with my life. But once again, I would have never thought about this, say, 5 years ago. Be open minded and don't be afraid (but do find someone who you absolutely trust though).
> Fast forward 10 years and am married, have a child and fit into a normal schedule; am feeling quite healthy mentally, though I feel I don't get enough time just being by myself. If I had the chance to change anything in the past though, I would leave things as they are. I that feel I grew in some respects while being alone/lonely. I did not pray but I did my type of meditation which is painting.
I am not much more social, but I don't strive to be a social butterfly anyway; I have my family, a few friends, work and a few hobbies. I am not suffering of loneliness these days and am content with my introverted type. What I was pointing out earlier is that absolute isolation is not good even for introverts, we need some social exchange.
I've been watching a foreign documentary about isolated people, people who live in abandoned villages and have few or no neighbors or people who live in very inaccessible places and every single one of them were talking about god and praying and their painful loneliness.